Rhoda On Fashion: Intersectionality – does this hip new accessory live up to the hype?

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Intersectionality – it’s become 2013’s must-have concept for the cool young feminist. But does it make or break an argument? I hung out on Twitter for all of ten minutes and chatted to some good decent women – Caitlin Moran, Julie Burchill, Julie Bindel, Meghan Murphy and Kat Banyard among others. They all agreed that intersectionality is a passing fad that can sometimes be taken too far. Labels like kyriarchy, heterosexism and ethnocentric are also the buzz-words in the world of fashionable debate. But, like Paul’s Boutique and Adidas, are these labels just cool dress for words, or are they a way of marking yourself as part of a subculture?

Now I’m not trying to say that tranny-lovers and sex worker allies are as undesirable as Neds and Chavs. The women and men who use these labels – and the sex-positive label – aren’t rival gangs to be ousted or detritus that’ll be got rid of when our suburban streets are metaphorically cleaned up in the Feminist Revolution. No, they’re not. Because that would imply that in some way they’re a legitimate movement, an era-specific subculture like the Punks, Goths or Emos. In my opinion, they are nothing but TRAITORS and misguided rebels, flaunting their disregard for social convention and decent morals in the face of older, middle-class straight white feminists who have FOUGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS. Well, the rights of middle class straight white women. Like preteens who shorten their skirts and shave swear words into their hair, these brats are rebelling against their all-knowing Sisters, their Saviours and Leaders. The ungratefulness of sex workers, LGBT women, kinksters and their allies feels like a slap in the face after all our hard work emancipating women while persecuting all these groups.

And I know just how we should put this little rebellion down: by giving whores a good spanking. Especially the disrespectful ones who keep mouthing off on blogs and try to get equal rights for themselves by organising demos and events.

And what these whores need is a good dose of fashion sense. The idea that being a feminist means you support all women is so 2,000 and late. And the idea that feminists are automatically sex worker allies? Take a time machine back to 1979, girlfriend! Unless you’re a hipster, of course. Retro.

My own contribution to the zeitgeist of fashion is this cool tee: tshirtparody

 

I’m making hundreds right now on Cafepress.com. In the past I’ve felt strongly about animal rights – so you’ll never see me strutting my stuff in furs! But leopard print can be a purr-fect sexy-retro touch to an outfit, especially paired with a leather jacket. My BFF Ann Widdecombe (‘Widdy’) and I used to rock fox-fur stoles back in the day, but for me right now they’re a no-no.

I love animals – well, anything cute that can be rescued! Girly tip: It helps if the thing you’re rescuing is an on-trend issue because you’ll look great doing it! And like with whales, I want to stop whores from being hunted by bad men with hard pointy things and penetrated. But animal rights and saving whores¬† aren’t the only causes I’ve been passionate about. Remember that dreadful Kony 2012 business? Half the viewers being all “OMG that’s terrible” and others saying that the proposed solutions were way worse than the problem? There was a lot of talk of “White Saviour” myths being behind the misguided campaign. Well, I totally disapproved of Kony 2012; the organisation had links to a massively funded anti-gay church. Just like a lot of anti-sex work organisations are funded millions by the state and American churches (e.g. Ruhama Agency – which disturbingly is run by the same people who ran the Magdalene laundries- got 14 million last year from one state department; the amount it was funded by the 2 other state departments is unknown: http://www.paddydoyle.com/laundry-orders-run-sex-workers-aid-group/ ). Well, as I was saying about Kony 2012, knee-jerk reactions over hot-button issues aren’t the answer. You’ve got to think, do research, talk to the people who’ll be affected by the changes you want to make. Unless, of course, they’re whores!

Fashion has always been my passion and I’m hoping that when I’m famous I can bring out a line of “I Heart Rapists” tees! The Nordic model will make it easier for rapists to rape whores – so hopefully they’ll rape the whores and not the good, precious women, who are our pure daughters! I also hope to bring out “Fuck Whores (but don’t pay)” badges and hoodies for adolescent boys that say “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls. They Charm And Coerce Their Way Into Bed”. I love the ‘buy girls’ and ‘use prostitutes’ terminology; it commodifies whores into a neat, sexy little package! Nobody uses sex workers or buys women of course – you’re buying sexual services, not a human being – but hey that advertising totally works the shock factor. And it’s pretty hot.

Well that’s all from me for now! R xx

 

Disclaimer: This blog is a parody and nothing said should be taken as true or as a true reflection of the writer’s beliefs. This blog was written by Kalika Gold. No defamation or libel is intended. This blog should be used for entertainment purposes only.

 

 

 

 

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Why Whores Are The Same As Whales

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This Bill and all the controversy got me interested in the disgusting underworld of prostitution. I’ll be going undercover soon to research for my book about how I’m saving whores from the decisions of their own dumb little exploited minds. It’ll be called “My Struggle” and the tagline will be: “How I Empowered Women To Become Unemployed And Live Off The State”. Hopefully I can get it made into a documentary called “Why Being A Benefit Scrounger Is Better Than Being A Whore (but we should stigmatise both)”. I love music and one day I hope to publish a book based on the song ‘I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It’, called “I Fucked A Whore And I Liked It (So I Fucked Him Again With Full Criminalisation in 2016)”.

I’ve sent some of my writing to Lord Morrow, who’s trying to get the Nordic model implemented in Northern Ireland. He says it’s really good.¬†That’s one of the reasons I started this blog: I want to improve my writing skills and maybe get a book out of this blog HINT HINT to any publishers out there! As you can see, my writing is TOTES AMAZEBALLS.

This other thing I’m working on is a sort of research paper about the similarities between dirty wee hoors OH SORRY SHOULD THAT BE DIRTY WEE SEX WORKERS and whales. Because both whales and whores can’t help themselves and must be rescued by others. (Whores get rescued by cool Feminist Saviours like me.) Whores and whales are both in danger from demand for their flesh and both of these groups are pursued by unscrupulous men. Both whores and whales get penetrated by aforesaid unscrupulous men, though whores usually do not get penetrated with harpoons.

Also, both words start with the letters W and H and have the same number of letters. And they both have a vowel after WH and end with E and S. I am confident that such incisive research will one day be noticed by Melissa Farley who will get me an article in a massive publication. Or fuck me, cos I fancy her like mad. In fact that’s why I’ve written this here, I’m secretly sending her a message.

Some people think I just made this Bill to further my own political career, but so what if I did? IT FUCKING WELL WORKED DIDN’T IT! Nobody had heard of me before I did this Bill but now lots of folk have, cos it’s an important issue. I mean give a girl a break, you can’t claw your way to the front bench on Stornoway black pudding alone.

Anyway if anyone wants to give me a research grant or talk about a book deal, my email is RapeTheWhoresToPoliceMorality@gmail.com

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody, no libel or defamation is intended, it’s a fake blog etc etc

Greetings, adoring public!

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Greetings, unwashed masses! Your Highland Empress has been busy lately thwarting the machinations of evil sex work activists who don’t want my Bill to succeed (sad face). But luckily I’d stockpiled a lot of Stornoway Black Pudding for the Apocalypse and there’s still plenty left so when I get sad I just stuff my face.

Next week I’m going undercover in the dens of sin researching for my book, My Struggle. In June I’ll be debating the WeedgieWhore and a ManWhore. I never knew men COULD be sex workers! It’s awfully inconvenient as it makes it SO hard to sustain the feminist ‘men exploiting women’ view of sex work.

Oh, and FEMINISTS! Sex worker allies and sex positive feminists have been making my life a living hell by pointing out why end demand will put sex workers in danger. They’ve even exposed the fact that a pimp with 5 aliases gave evidence to the Irish prostitution hearing! And here in Scotland, the Sex Worker Open University and the STUC demo got in the press. It was horrible to see sex workers having a voice and being organised, almost like they think they’ve got civil rights or some shit. They looked almost human. The academics there weren’t even spitting on them. I was invited but didn’t attend of course – who wants to sit next to a seeting mass of filthy whores?!

A while ago the WhenAntisAttack hashtag made the papers. It was absolutely HEARTBREAKING how a wee bit of antis’ hatred was exposed to a tiny corner of the press and I was so upset, but what’s an abolitionist MSP to do when being oppressed by evil prostitutes? All I could do was call my Nemesis a liar in the press. (Sad feelz).

And before THAT, I got lots of responses to my Consultaation. I was shocked! It turns out that whores can, like, WRITE and shit! And they can research and collaborate and construct arguments! And there’s lots of people out there who don’t think they’re the scum of the Earth and actually want them NOT to get murdered or raped because of the Nordic model! (Why not, it’s hilarious when whores get raped!)

Anyway, see you, Rhoda fans.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody. I (Kalika Gold) do not claim any information on this blog to be true. It is intended for entertainment only.